The Brain of B

Hebrew 12 : fix your eyes on Jesus

2004-07-19T20:48:00.000+10:00

This is not the next reading in the plan - just felt like reading this one tonight - this verse in particular was in my mind tonight and so I thought I'd read the whole chapter...

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:2,3

Sometime I wonder about myself - where my heart is - there is just one thing on my mind which I can not shake - which I so much want to shake - cos it is not God, it is not holiness - it is just stupid stupid stupid.

And so, of course, this verse came to mind - fix my eyes on Jesus - the author, the one who makes it so, the one who brought it about, wrote it down and made it truth, and perfector, the one who then went on to make my faith perfect - a perfect focus, a perfect example, a living breathing example of what my faith should look like.

Who, cos of what he knew was to come - endured the cross - went through it cos he knew it was worth it - scorning it's shame - knowing that it was worth it.

Consider HIm - do not grow weary and lose heart.

It's quite that bad - but that is why i need to consider him know - so that I do not grow weary, so that I do no lose heart.

Consider.

Change me God as I look at Jesus, as I listen to your Spirit, as I do what you say. [that last one is tough and yet so easy].

Help me be Jesus to the people around me, and take my mind off the constant chatter of inanity and focus on your loving concerns for the people around me, your gracious gift giving nature, focus outwards and not inwards, change my heart. Change my life.

Psalm 78-80 : A God Of Judgement and Mercy

2004-07-14T00:15:00.000+10:00

Yet he was merciful;
he forgave their iniquities
and did not destroy them.
Time after time he restrained his anger
and did not stir up his full wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return.

Psalm 78:38,39

God has never dealt with me as I deserve.

He saved me 6 months after i had told him to get stuffed cos if he was real he didn't care.

That was at the end of 20 years of flirting with God, never really committing myself to Him.

He has forgiven me for so many times doubting that He will hold me up when things are hard.

He has forgiven me for a most evil act I have committed and instead of humiliation and hatred he gently brought the issue to light and brought me healing and forgiveness and another chance to serve him. Sparing me and other people the full consequences of what I had done.

What an awesome God.

He does not destroy me when I believe the darkness that says that He does not love me - otherwise He would give me what I want when I want it - instead He continues to remind me - internally and through my friends and things that are happening around me, that He loves me and has given me all I need and even if I have nothing I have Him, and His love and His forgiveness and His acceptance and His provision and these - these are the only things I need.

This week i have been trying to find the peace that comes from knowing that in God I have everything I need - not in the things he has given me, not in relationships, these are all good things I should enjoy and cherish and love but they are not not the source of contentment - only God is the source of contentment and I need to find peace in having Him - in Knowing Him - in being His child.

Life under construction...

Leviticus 4-6 : The Return

2004-06-27T22:37:00.000+10:00

Hi there, I think a few people come this way so hi, been a very very busy 16 days since my last post - I have still been reading just not with time to post - so I thought I might get back into it tonight - chose some interesting come back chapters.

Leviticus is all about the law given to God's people as they were about to enter the promised land - so it is a law for the people of God living in God's place. Doing the things Godly people should do. It is very very detailed - and very very repetitive - and seems like you couldn't go an hour of an day with doing something that would make you unclean or sinful.

ahhh

That is the point - unHoly people living in the presence of a Holy God has a problem - sin - and unless that sin is dealt with then we are in big trouble - so way detailed? cos God cases about everything - big and small he notices, he cares, and he expects us to care too. Repetitive - cos we are sinful over and over and over again - cos these law are not about dealing with sin once and for all but about doing enough to make up for what we have done to live day to day in God's presence - but without solving the problem completely.

What a stark reminder that there is nothing we can do to please God - if there was then we could do it once and that would be that.

And in all these things, the sin was never dealt with - or the offerings would stop.
In all these things blood [death] was required - and when dealing with our sin something had to be identified with us [laying hands] and then killed to deal with that sin and let us be holy for a moment - until we needed to present the next sin offering.

Day after day, sacrifices, offerings, week after week, month after month - year after year - sacrifices, offerings - a never ending cycle of being clean/unclean, able to approach God/unable to approach God.

And it's all stopped

Have we out grown offerings to deal with sin? no way.

Jesus came - the man who was God - who died to take away the sin of the world - perfect so he had no sin to die for for himself - and being God able to take on the sins of all the world and accept the punishment we deserved. But just as the sin offering required the jews to lay hands on it and identify in it - believe in what God said.

We have to believe jesus when he says that he is "the way, the truth and the life" and that "no one comes to the father except by" him,

we have to say that he died for our sins - that he was punished for our rejection of God - and that the punishment he took was for us.

And because he died for sins, once and for all - there are no longer sacrifices - cos the one and only sacrifice for sins for us to God was jesus.

And he rose again - and he is alive today and only by believing in his punishment death and resurrection can anyone be right with God.

The other thing this books reminds me of, is that God takes our sin very very seriously and that is something we need to do to - not to go, well it's okay for a little sin, cos to God it does not matter - little sins make us unclean and in need for a sacrifice - so do big sins - we need to be serious about looking at ourselves, and not assuming that just cos everything is going the way we want it to that there is nothing in our lives to turn away from.

this only serves to confirm my suspicion that I'm still a man in need of a saviour,
I wanna be in the light, as you are in the light

dcTalk - In The Light

Luke 7-8 : Raising the dead

2004-06-11T23:34:00.000+10:00

Pre-Prayer - father, thanks for tops day - you are always with me - just right now help me to be aware of your presence, to listen to your spirit as He speaks to me of you as I read your word - help me to read it and do what it says. AMEN.

Little snippets of Jesus - who he is revealed but the things he does and says - raising the dead, forgiving sins, confounding the religious, lifting up the down trodden.

And John The Baptist asks the big question - are you the christ or is there another?

Jesus says - you wonder - look about at what is happening - am I the christ?

In the midst of all this - a statement - if you have been forgiven much then you forgive much.

I must admit I am pretty tired - I think I will read it again and pray and go to sleep.

thaat's all for tonight - catch you tomorrow.

Jeremiah 47-52 : God promises and He delivers

2004-06-10T20:49:00.000+10:00

Opening Prayer : I don't deserve to be heard by you, but I thank you that you are gracious and loving and forgiving and so you are always waiting to hear from me, even though I ignore you all day, when I call you drop what you are doing and listen - oh gracious God, bless me now as I read your word. Help me to read it, hear your voice and live more like you each day - AMEN.

"The sound of a cry comes from Babylon,
the sound of great destruction
from the land of the Babylonians.
The LORD will destroy Babylon;
he will silence her noisy din.
Waves of enemies will rage like great waters;
the roar of their voices will resound.
A destroyer will come against Babylon;
her warriors will be captured,
and their bows will be broken.
For the LORD is a God of retribution;
he will repay in full.
I will make her officials and wise men drunk,
her governors, officers and warriors as well;
they will sleep forever and not awake,"
declares the King, whose name is the LORD Almighty.
- Jer 51:54-57 [NIV]

having outlined curses and judgement against many peoples and fortelling using the Babylonians to do the punishing - God now turns to the babylonians and outlines what he will do with them - and al because people would trust God and follow him.

hmm - that's a bit scary really - Jer 52 is where the story begins to reveal what happened - all the things promised basically - cos that is one thing about God - when he promises something, he delivers, every time.

I have been reading Jesus Freaks - the stories of different martyrs of Christ - I feel humbled - they faced so much and I, I face a bit of rejection from friends, but questioning interest from non-christians- and how feeble is my efforts at standing up for God. Most of the people I know live lives of unseeing compromise [me too] cos we have everything, cos our lives are easy, what do we need to change or gain? I'll tell you what a true living out of our, I need to gain a true living out of my faith - what does it matter what other people are doing - I have a personal relationship with the God of the universe - I have forgiveness and hope and grace - I have the Holy Spirit within and He can empower me, make be bold, give me words to say.

Things really are easy - at the moment the big worry of my life is that I may have lost the friendship and trust of one of the young guys from church - oh and feeling like I am not happy with being single - that is it - everything else is fine - and those things can get me down down down - what a goober I am. How unfocused on God, how looking at me and myself and not really caring about others.

Dunno how to change it - apart from the obvious - looking to God, and remembering all I have - and doing that during the day - I don't talk to God much during the day, which is probably why I can have a day where I start :D and end :( - cos I am looking to see the proof that I am losing a friend, rather than looking to see how I can give away the truth about Jesus and his salvation, rather than looking to God and knowing that in him I have a God, a Father, a Saviour, a Friend someone who loves me unconditionally and will never ever let me down cos I have access to Him through His son dying for me.

Fine words - help me live them.

Prayer:
A: power, control, history, strength, never thrawted, controls all from the biggest company to the smallest cell.
C: hate, lust, anger, selfishness, looking inward not upward, foul language in my mind, taking not giving, fear not faith
T: so many materially goood things, friends, family, church, a place to fit in, love, God's love, jesus death, Spirit to speak to me, for getting time off for the move, for PL taking time off he needs a break, for snakey's questions,
S: peace, not fear but love, looking to God, joy cos I remember I am saved, hear the Spirit and do what He says, no hatred, love and give even when I don't get anything back, love like jesus, not take things personally, for snakey as he seeks the truth, james and mel, jo and houghdy, mate and kate, steve and sarah, micah and lily, summer and glen, kylie, b2, rob, carly, james, PL, work, safety for the workers on our site, trusting God, what do I do about being single? peace in Him.

Proverbs 1 : the way to wisdom

2004-06-09T21:14:00.000+10:00

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline ...
they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me ...
but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.
Proverbs 1:7,28,33 [NIV]

The one true God - He promises so much and never ever fails to deliver - even though I am so faithless. And even the then he so often does not deal with me as harshly as I deserve - no, one thing I can testify to is that God is gracious, generous, faithful.

And this fear of the Lord - an understanding that God is God, has control, has power of all, can speak and call matter into being from nothing, can speak and summon time into existence, can speak and change the course of human history, a God who deals with sin, a God who is holy and before whom nothing that is unholy can exist - this is a God to be feared, to understand that He is God and I am not is the beginning of wisdom.

Not a popular idea that God can not be messed with - and that He is God and will be God and will exercise His Godhood when and where he chooses - and it would be a harsh and despairing thing - but for the fact that we also know how much He loves us - I know how much He loves me.

We know it cos He sent His only Son into the World - not to condemn the world, but to save it - and nothing can take me away from the love of God that is mine through Christ Jesus - a God who loves that much, a God who is that powerful and uncompromising, THAT, is my God, the one in whom I trust - what sort of God do you trust in?

And I though i would add a new thing - Prayer Points - without going into detail for everything i thought I would type out the things I want to pray about tonight and then use that as a guide when I do pray.

Prayer Points:
Adore - consider God's power
Confess
Thank - job, safety, shelter, work, reports, relaxing, looking after houghdling, friends, Nicole's baptism, emt [new people, gifts, willingness to serve], church [new associate, leadership]
Ask - houghdling, peace, friendship restoration, emt [chensee leading, new people, new song practice, starting on time, each person focusing on God], humility, baptism, focus on Jesus, opportunities to share, give a book, boldness to share, my friends marriages, church leadership, personal walk with God.

Psalm 63-65 :

2004-06-08T21:03:00.000+10:00

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
- Psm 63:6-8

Three sweet psalms.

I enjoy psalms so much - I wish I could write such words of praise, of hope, of trust in God, to God.

Let the righteous rejoice in the LORD and take refuge in him;
let all the upright in heart praise him!

words which lift the heart and bring peace to the soul - words that comfort the weary, identify with the hurt, the confused - but in all of them [except one I think] they turn us back to God, back to He who made everything, who keeps it going, who is so intimately concerned with the well being of each and every one of His creation He sent His only son into the world to die for it. To rise again. To return to judge.

You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest sea.

When I turn my eyes from an awesome God, I only see what is not, I only see what can not be, I only see the negative, the dark. When I am looking to God :D I see love, I see what is, I see that anything could be, I see the positive, the light. When I look to God, I feel hope and life not despair and death. I sense a place and a time where fears are stilled and striving cease - where my soul will find a place where it will be able to stop and rest - and feel more than fine, feel more than just getting bye, where I will not have to cope - because finally I will be whole, I will be made to be what I was made to me - I will be one of God's people - and He, He will be my God - the way it was meant to be all those years ago - the garden, yet more, even better.

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

1 Kings 1-4 : A new king

2004-06-07T23:01:00.000+10:00

1 Kings picks up the history where Samuel finishes off - David is an old king - Solomon is the one who God has set up to be the next king and so it happens. Solomon then sets about killing off the first of his opposition - most of it payment God had promised.

Solomon then gets confronted by God who offers him anything ...

At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you." Solomon answered, "You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day. "Now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?" The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for-both riches and honor-so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life."

1 King 3:5-14 [NIV]

Like all people Solomon's wisdom served him well - for a while - in the end having everything becomes too big a burden and he falls away from God's commandments - Solomon was still a huge king, continuing the promises - building a temple for God as God has promised - yet again, a flawed man - a man marred by sin.

Two weekends ago I was reminded that I just need to accept that I am a sinful man who is need of Grace - suck it up and get on with trusting and serving God - not get down on myself every time I fail - but acknowledge my need to for the grace of God and get back up and stand on that grace and get back into the fray. I still get so down on myself when I fail God - and yet, I will always do it until the day I die - cos I am not perfect - just forgiven and I only get by by the grace of God - not just in the end, but every day - every moment - only by grace.

Lord if you marked out transgressions, who would stand?
But by your grace we are saved by the blood of the lamb

And I need to be showing grace to the people around me - loving, gentle, kind, grace, forgiving them as God has forgiven me.

I will keep on trying and by God's grace I will succeed.

Exodus 33-36 :

2004-06-06T22:57:00.000+10:00

I read this one but did not blogg.

2 Corinthians 11-13 : weakness is strength

2004-06-05T23:23:00.000+10:00

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Cor 12:9,10

What is cool, and humbling, is when God gets me to read a passage like the one for tonight - and I am thinking, yeah, yeah, I get that, profound, and then my mind starts drifting and I start thinking about other things, and I start getting all worked up about something - and there is a mental tap on the shoulder, a break, a halt, and suddenly the verse I just read comes back into my mind and I realise I have no idea, no understanding, no concept, no heart that matches that verse - that I really do not understand or know what the verse means cos I am not living it.

It happened just then - I was getting annoyed about a mate who I have been humble around, I have let my guard down and they know alot about me - possibly even more than I want them too - and they have seemed to be arrogantly presuming now to tell me of my faults, to question what I do - and I was just getting a bit angry about it, thinking, well look at Paul he got upset when the Corinthians took his humility and then ran him down and wrote him off, took advantage of the fact that Paul was humble around them to consider him as nothing.

But that is not what Paul is on about - quite the contrary - he has a true humility [I think, and yeah it is true, when I look at my humility I didn't really mean it, it was just an act, and I was not truely humble but proudly pretending to be humble] a humility that will boast in it's weaknesses cos the weakness comes from a heart that is focused on God, focused on giving all in service to God in service to others. A humility that does not claim position, because that position is due them so there is no need to claim it, a position that comes from God. A humility that recognises that when I am as an individual are weak, that is a good thing because then I am strong in my reliance on God and His power and that is true strength.

Instead I had a humility that wasn't, and when the person accepted that I was humble and treated me as a humble person, I, not being humble at all, but just pretending, got very upset. Who are they to judge me I thought, why should I be humble to you, if it just makes you proud - but of course I was the proud one, the arrogant one.

On another topic - I think it is extremely ironic that the two books of Corinthians are used by the charismatic churches to promote their emphasis on Spiritual gifts and the exercise of them and the way God;s strength and power are manifest in the lives of believers. These two books represent a damming indictment of just about everything any charismatic church [that I have been to] teach.

Like this passage - Paul's true strength is shown in his weaknesses cos it shows that his power comes not from himself, but from the grace of God - that to cope and succeed - depends not upon anything that Paul has or does - but upon the power of God. And even in measuring success and in demonstrating the true power he has - paul uses a very different perspective to any charismatic - or in fact most christians at all - that I know.

What anyone else dares to boast about--I am speaking as a fool--I also dare to boast about. Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham's descendants? So am I. Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, who is to be praised forever, knows that I am not lying. In Damascus the governor under King Aretas had the city of the Damascenes guarded in order to arrest me. But I was lowered in a basket from a window in the wall and slipped through his hands.

Not a very glorious testimony really - shipwrecked, run out of town, naked, cold, laboured, toiled, hungry and thirsty - not very powerful - not very successful - not in the eyes of the world - but Paul didn't do those things for the worldly reasons he did it cos he loves God and loves God's people and wants to give his all for them - that is the sort of Heart I too long to have - a truely humble heart that will do anything it can for the people around it. Not a proud heart, arrogantly pretending to be humble.

Luke 5-6 : trouble, faith & teaching

2004-06-04T13:50:00.000+10:00

Got lots of good verses in tonight 's reading.

From the disciples being told they will be fishers of men. To skirmishes with the religious leaders of the day to the sermon on the mount. All very awesome stuff.

What I admire most about Jesus is that he never pulled any punches.

He confronted people who had forgotten that the point of knowing God is to have a heart focused on Him. He made it clear that if you are going to call on him then you need to listen when he leads and then do what He says.

why do you call me Lord, Lord and not do what I say?

And then we have the beatitudes. Jesus teaching on what people who live in the KingdOm of God should be like.

Once again Jesus makes it very simple, very clear- if you are to follow me then this is how you must be. Not when you feel like it, but all the time. Not just when it in easy but when it is hard too.

And so we are called to Love our enemies to Bless those who curse ,to give and Keep en giving to these only taKe and never give anything back.

Today I had a good day because I started it focused on Jesus and I asked Him to help me to give and give just like he did, even when I got nothing back .I asked Him to help me not to hear the lies of the devil but hear only him - and He said yes-and so my day was good not cos Better thingS happened But Because I was looking to God and seeing things through His eyes and not my own - thanks God

Jeremiah 42-46 : A remnant rebels - Justice Comes

2004-06-03T22:37:00.000+10:00

Do not fear, O Jacob my servant; do not be dismayed, O Israel.
I will surely save you out of a distant place, your descendants from the land of their exile.
Jacob will again have peace and security, and no one will make him afraid.
Do not fear, O Jacob my servant, for I am with you," declares the LORD .
"Though I completely destroy all the nations among which I scatter you,
I will not completely destroy you.
I will discipline you but only with justice;
I will not let you go entirely unpunished - Jer 46:27,28

These are tough chapters - a powerful God who takes obedience seriously lays it on the line for the remnant of Judah, "trust me or perish" - they choose to perish - and yet at the end of chap 46 when you fear that God has wiped out the promise [though we know he hasn't], fear that He will stop the line of Judah, the line from which He will save Israel and the whole world - we get verses 27 and 28.

Words of hope, words of explanation - God is disciplining, God is being Just - He has not forgotten His promise and He will raise up a people again, He will bring them back to the land He promised them, He will be faithful, even though His People have been unfaithful.

And that is the same God now, a God who disciplines, a God who is faithful when I am not.
A God who offers hope - hope through His son - a God who promises so much and never ever once goes back on those promises.

Job 41-42 : God speaks Job repents Job is restored

2004-06-02T22:36:00.000+10:00

Read but not blogged.

Psalm 60-62 : Find rest, O my soul, in God alone.

2004-06-01T23:32:00.000+10:00

Psm 62:5-8
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

When I saw that it was Psalm day again - my heart lifted - Psalms are also so gritty and real - so full of "things are tough now, but I will still praise my God and stick them out, and be as faithful as i can to the one who is never faithless".

This last 5 weeks or so, have been a rebuilding and a relearning, perhaps I was becoming proud, perhaps I was trusting too much on things that are not God. For whatever reason I feel so much like I am relearning things I should have known

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone."
So obvious - and yet I wonder how much I have been trying to find rest in things, people, other than God - and I have to say, alot.

Saturday & Sunday - four times over the weekend did I hear the phrase, "come back to God" in one context it was in getting up early to start the day praying to God, spending time with Him, starting the day with Him on my mind - Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. I wonder how much more i need to hear it before I will start - I don't feel ready to start getting up early everyday to do that - and yet I can feel the Holy Spirit prompting me, He's talking to me - get up and do it - remember the bible reading - talk to God about it and He will make sure you don't get over tired, He will give you the discipline you need to get to bed earlier, meeting with Him will refresh you more than an extra hour of sleep will.

It's not wise to resist God.
Assuming it is all from Him.
I have got back into listening to Christian music in the morning.
One step at a time.

2 Sam 20-24 : death, sin, repentance

2004-05-31T23:28:00.000+10:00

Again - read this too late to post - too late to recall too much.

Had a quick reread then - David again strikes me as such a great man - full of sin and yet repentant - and trusting in God's decisions on what to do with that sin.

Exodus 29-32 : The Priests

2004-05-30T23:25:00.000+10:00

Did it late and so did not post - basically rules for establishing a priesthood - with lots of reminders that the only way a sinful man can approach a Holy God is via something dying in our place.

2 Corinthians 9-10

2004-05-29T11:30:00.000+10:00

Be Generous
God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

How awesome is that verse - we have all we need - so that we will abound in every good work - good works that [ephesians?] says we were made for called for to carry out, good work that God had prepared in advance for us to do :D SO GIVE, give generously, God will supply all you need and enough to do all the good he planned for you to do :D

Be Obedient
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Paul is nearing the end of the second letter that we have that wrote to the church in Corinth - a troubled church full of people who are boasting in the showiness of their worship, the extravagance of their freedom to sin, but also praised for their generosity and their passion for Jesus.

They become troublesome books cos people wish to base whole ways of churching or not churching based upon what is in them - and yet when I read it I see a church of extremes - so women are to be silent - worship is to be orderly - tongues are to be desired BUT used in the right way - men are to uncover their head - and we are to great one another with a holy kiss.

SO women have a role, and have always had a role in a church, and in churching and it is not to always be silent.
Worship IS to be orderly, but not heartless and unemotional, not so structured you squeeze anywhere for the spirit to move us.
Tongues are to be desired - but they are for personal edification and so not to be blurted out when we are churching - unless someone is there who can interrupt and thus, edify all the believers who are churching together.
Men [in fact all believers] are to dress modestly and in accordance with the way the society the church meets in says expressed respect and honour to God - and yet we all have a broader call to accept one another just the same way God accepted us - by becoming like us and doing for us what we could not do our selves and leading us gently into a relationship with him.
And we are to great one another in a HOLY manner - warmly, intimately, within the culture we inhabit, not just with a kiss.

Tonight - for the first time in about a month - the undercurrent of pain, of hurt, of hate, of disappointment and uncertainty - it's not there - I even did a test a moment ago - recalling the painful things of the recent time and no matter how hard I tried to feel it - I couldn't.

Praise be to God.

Luke 3-4 : details, a nutter and an awesome God

2004-05-28T19:20:00.000+10:00

You brood of vipers!

Last Sunday Andrew Palmer referred to this passage and made the call that John The Baptist was a nutter - well, as a Baptist, he is in very good company - but yeah, I can see Andrew's point - the man looked like a nutter and said nutty things - and yet - that was only the appearance cos in this nutter God was doing a very very special thing - he was getting everything ready for His son to get about doing the Job He came to earth to do.

I love the detail that Luke goes into in his book - his detail to help pin point the time when the events occurred - and with just four little word " so it was thought," he begins to chart the male side of Jesus' family all the way back to God - along the way showing the great heritage of Jesus - well, so it was thought anyway - cos of course he wasn't the son of Joseph at all. He was, like Adam, the Son of God - but a different, better Son, a life giving Son, a freedom granting Son. A Son of God who - well - he WAS GOD!!! What an outrageous thought, God becoming a man.

Actually it's not outrageous it's very very cool :D

He knows what it is like to be human - he knows the feeling of betrayal and abandonment - and He knows for real what it means to be forsaken by God. And he knows what happens when we die - and He is Alive today :D And He loves each one of us dearly enough to die for us.

Things like that - they are the things I wished filled my heart, filled my head - filled me so full that they just burst out, exploded into the world around me - I read this the other night - Philippians 4:4,5 from The Message [love the passion in that translation] Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you canto all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them to see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! - I got a LONG way to go, a long way. But with Jesus on my side - He can do it, even when I can't.

Jeremiah 37-41 : read it

2004-05-28T19:18:00.000+10:00

and then feel asleep

went to bed way too late last night - funny thing was I was very very enthralled in the story of poor old Jeremiah - going to have to come back and read this book again - it's one I haven't read much - and there was a lot last night to get me wondering, what's doing, why does all this happen, isn't that something prophesied about over in that other book.

But yeah, way too tired for much to feel like it sank in.

Job 39-40 : the correct answer is no

2004-05-27T00:30:00.000+10:00

Coming to the end of Job - and this is this the part where God finally speaks - and Job is humbled - I actually read this last Wednesday night and I know it spoke to me and humbled me. It's great to read it again.

Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!
...
Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

I was humbled cos I realised that in hating myself and the person I have turned out to be, in wondering what it was God was doing with me, I crossed the line, crossed from responding to troubled times and feelings to questioning God and accusing him of having no idea of what he is doing.

God IS a powerful God.
God IS a just God.
God IS always true to His promises - every last one of them.
God DOES know what He is doing.

Dear Dad [in heaven],
I'm sorry for doubting that you knew what you were doing, sorry for telling you how you should run my life.
You have never let me down, you are right now saying yes to so many things that I am praying about.
Help me to hear your spirit more clearly as He points me to the cross and the peace, life and hope that I can find there.
Thanks so much for waiting, ready, always, for me to come and talk with you, I want to do it more often and I will try to - and not make you wait all day before I speak with you - I know what it feels like to be ignored, to be left until last, and although I also know you don't feel the way I do about that, although I know that I am completely forgiven - in fact because I am forgiven for it - I want to stop doing it, and get you back into the day to day grind of my life.
I want to find true happiness, joy, peace - which I know only comes in you and not the people around me, or the partner I do not have.
I have a heap of people I love and care for and I am just going to spend some time talking about them now.
love, b.

Psalm 57-59 : Be Exalted, O God

2004-05-25T21:14:00.000+10:00

I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.
...
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.

Today was a strange day - pretty good - although I could feel the anger rising during playground duty - grr - anyway as I got home tonight I could feel the pain from the last month hanging around again - I prayed abit and tried to find some peace and also the strength to understand that God is for me - that he is working all things out for my good - that I do have friends and people who care about me - that I have not lost a friend. That God loves and comforts me.

It is now 930 and I have just finished today's reading - as I started I prayed God I need some good verses - and then I looked up to my calendar which has the bible readings on it and saw that it was Psalms tonight and I smiled :D - thanks God just what I need.

The quote above comes from Psm 57 - a psalm written while Saul was hunting David down to kill him - I was touched again - David had some serious things going wrong in his life - but he always turned to God and praised Him and sung of Him.

I don't really have anything seriously wrong with my life - and yet I find it had to lift my heart and sing.

Well i resolved to look to Jesus and sing - so I need to go off and do that - spend some time praying and giving thanks for all I do have and combat the lies of the devil that I can feel - even now - shattering my heart into a million painful pieces.

2 Sam 15-19 : bloody battle, betrayal by a son, a man with a heart like God's

2004-05-24T21:24:00.000+10:00

I was too tired to blogg this one - though I did read it :)

It's about when David's son Absalom takes the kingship and the way it is giving back to David - I thought David behaved pretty well - like a man after God;s own heart.

Exodus 25-28 : too tired to blog

2004-05-23T23:49:00.000+10:00

nothing else to say

2 Cor 6-8 : Living true

2004-05-23T02:48:00.000+10:00

The letter to Corinth is a great pair of letters - so full of clear guidelines on how to live as christians in a non-christian world - how to balance the with we live in, but are not a part of - from what to eat [and how to decide] to what to do in a church service Paul covers it all.

It is also a great lesson of how to correct and rebbuke - on how to speak the truth in love.

And tonight's reading covered how to live, who to associate with, and an encouragement to keep on giving.

The verse that stood out for me was:
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

It leapt out of the screen at me - and made me see that the last month was alot about unGodly sorrow - it was about wallowing in all the things I do not have instead of giving thanks for what I do. It was about fighting against things, instead of entrusting them to God. It was about not believing God knew what he was doing and thinking I had a better idea than he.

Today - I resolved to turn around [repentance] that way of thinking, of seeing the things I do not and to trust those things to the one who can provide - it's you're problem now God, you are able, but if you choose not to do what I hope for, I will still praise you, for you are a wondrous, glorious, generous, gracious God.

Amen.

Luke 1-2 : Starting, Waiting, Doing

2004-05-22T00:05:00.000+10:00

"I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught. "

An opening line - outlining the course ahead.

I like Luke - of the gospels it seems to me to be the one that is written the best. These first two chapters are very cool - as they quickly move from before the birth of John to the young Jesus sitting in the temple - surprised that his earthly family did not get who he was. What was Jesus like as a child - even as a man? I am 33 - that is how old Jesus was when he was crucified - he started his ministry around thirty and three years later he was dead - buried - risen - ascended into heaven.

We know very very little about him before he started his ministry - I rekon it doesn't matter what he was like - the important things to know about Jesus are recorded - but sometimes I wonder. But from the man you can see what he would have been like - friendly, warm, loving, gentle, brave, bold, standing up for the right and protecting the weak, humble.

I love the 'songs of praise' people make up on the spot in response to God - I wish I could do the same, I think I can pray well and express how I feel to God and that is the important thing - although even that doesn't matter cos the Holy Spirit prayers for us when we can not work out what to say.

I am always intrigued by Simeon, the man waiting for the consolation of Israel - there had been a 400 year gap between the last prophet and the birth of Jesus - obviously he had not been waiting that long - but I get the feeling he was old, and had been patiently waiting for God to act just and He had promised He would - how much joy must he have felt to have seen Jesus and to know that here in front of him, a child born to a carpenter, this was the consolation of Israel - in fact the saviour of all of creation.

Waiting - right now - where I am now is all about waiting - about wondering what God is doing with me now, and really truely facing up to the fact that maybe God is not waiting to send someone along for me to share my life with - that out there is no woman to be my wife. I am finding that very hard to deal with - I am not like Simeon waiting - no I am like Job, railing against God - sadly I have no excuse like Job. And yet the same God is in control of both of our lives - and I need to be patient, trusting, faithing, believing that God really does know what is best for me, really is working out all things for me who loves me.

I feel so weary and burdened - and Jesus says to come to him if that is how I am - For His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I have been really wondering what that means - and I rekon it means that his yoke [the guide] is His commands, and they are easy, and his burden [telling others, that is the work we have to do] is light.

Knowing it is one thing.
Doing it is another.

setting off

2004-05-21T23:40:00.000+10:00

The road ahead is unknown, clearly, but only to me - only to us. There is one who does know the road ahead, who knows the smooth downhill runs, the tight corners, the holes in the road, the slicks, the breakdowns, the beautiful vistas, the roads of rain and storm.

God.

He knows it cos he planned it.

So where is this particular part of my journey planning to be heading - along the road through the bible - each night I read the bible - I started 10th Jan 2004 and resolved to read every night and is so doing 365 days later end up having read the whole bible. Not cover to cover - I am not that sort of a traveller - no, I get bored of the one place easily and so I flit from place to place, person to person, book to book - I am following a reading plan outlined in the book - live like a jesus freak - when I read it I realised that I wanted to live a life more full on for God - and I knew that if I want to be on that journey then I needed to be close to God and to be close to God I need to be reading.

Up until now I have not missed a single night. Which surprises me - but when I started this journey I knew it would be a one day at a time journey and I asked God to help me - to help me to take the next step in the journey even when I didn't want to, even when I just took the step for the sake of taking the step - even when I didn't want to listen to God, let along speak with him.

And God has honoured my resolve by granting me YES to all those things - and so often I have found that when I do have a day when I set out on the next part of the journey reluctantly, hesitantly, like a dog sitting down and being dragged along - they have been the most special journey's of all.

So let's now set out together - I have been traveling dark paths in my journey of late - but I have decided to keep a travelogue, a diary of my journey through the bible and how it impacts on the bigger journey of my life.

and so it begins

2004-05-02T10:26:00.000+10:00

Hello viewers, welcome to another place on the net where stuff just oozes out into the public realm.

I guess we should start with introductions - born in 1970 in Brisbane Australia I became christian in 1991. Currently I am living in Toongabbie, a western suburb of Sydney. I am going to Tooongabbie Baptist Church where I am the leader of the evening ministry team - I sing and lead the service and I am having a ball doing it, I am really enjoying the creativity and team work that comes from being in a band.

To keep the bills paid I am a high school teacher at Westfields Sports High - one third of the students are selected based upon there sporting ability the rest are locals - I teach Computing Studies and run the school network, which means I am often looking very stressed and hiding from people who want come up and say "brendan, my computer is broken" - but I love to help people and solve their problems, so it is a good job, though by the end of the term I am just about sick of hearing their problems and long for someone to come up and say "hi brendan, how's things going?" and have a nice chat about anything other than computers.

I am serious about following Jesus and being more like him - I guess you would call me a born again christian or an evangelical christian - the bible is God's truth about himself revealed to His creation - Jesus is God as a man who died for each of our sins and rose again to guess us life and hope of a future forgiven by God. We can only be right with God [who we have alienated through rejecting Him (sin)] by believing that Jesus death was all about Him being punished for our sins, that His death was all about being for us, on our behalf. Jesus is the only way to be in a relationship with God - which is what we where created to have, and without it we are not complete.

Catch you later.