Hebrew 12 : fix your eyes on Jesus

This is not the next reading in the plan - just felt like reading this one tonight - this verse in particular was in my mind tonight and so I thought I'd read the whole chapter...

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:2,3

Sometime I wonder about myself - where my heart is - there is just one thing on my mind which I can not shake - which I so much want to shake - cos it is not God, it is not holiness - it is just stupid stupid stupid.

And so, of course, this verse came to mind - fix my eyes on Jesus - the author, the one who makes it so, the one who brought it about, wrote it down and made it truth, and perfector, the one who then went on to make my faith perfect - a perfect focus, a perfect example, a living breathing example of what my faith should look like.

Who, cos of what he knew was to come - endured the cross - went through it cos he knew it was worth it - scorning it's shame - knowing that it was worth it.

Consider HIm - do not grow weary and lose heart.

It's quite that bad - but that is why i need to consider him know - so that I do not grow weary, so that I do no lose heart.

Consider.

Change me God as I look at Jesus, as I listen to your Spirit, as I do what you say. [that last one is tough and yet so easy].

Help me be Jesus to the people around me, and take my mind off the constant chatter of inanity and focus on your loving concerns for the people around me, your gracious gift giving nature, focus outwards and not inwards, change my heart. Change my life.

Psalm 78-80 : A God Of Judgement and Mercy

Yet he was merciful;
he forgave their iniquities
and did not destroy them.
Time after time he restrained his anger
and did not stir up his full wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return.

Psalm 78:38,39

God has never dealt with me as I deserve.

He saved me 6 months after i had told him to get stuffed cos if he was real he didn't care.

That was at the end of 20 years of flirting with God, never really committing myself to Him.

He has forgiven me for so many times doubting that He will hold me up when things are hard.

He has forgiven me for a most evil act I have committed and instead of humiliation and hatred he gently brought the issue to light and brought me healing and forgiveness and another chance to serve him. Sparing me and other people the full consequences of what I had done.

What an awesome God.

He does not destroy me when I believe the darkness that says that He does not love me - otherwise He would give me what I want when I want it - instead He continues to remind me - internally and through my friends and things that are happening around me, that He loves me and has given me all I need and even if I have nothing I have Him, and His love and His forgiveness and His acceptance and His provision and these - these are the only things I need.

This week i have been trying to find the peace that comes from knowing that in God I have everything I need - not in the things he has given me, not in relationships, these are all good things I should enjoy and cherish and love but they are not not the source of contentment - only God is the source of contentment and I need to find peace in having Him - in Knowing Him - in being His child.

Life under construction...